DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE DIE SUFFERING SUFFERING SUFFERING SUFFERING
PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN PAIN
ENVY ENVY ENVY ENVY ENVY
GLUTTON GLUTTON GLUTTON GLUTTON
EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL EVIL
GREED GREED GREED GREED GREED
LUST LUST LUST LUST LUST
ANGUISH ANGUISH ANGUISH ANGUISH
FEAR FEAR FEAR FEAR
VENGEANCE VENGEANCE VENGEANCE VENGENCE
TORTURE TORTURE
HATE HATE HATE

Figures as much, out of all the hundreds of millions of people surfing the internet, not one person saw that last entry and cared enough to leave me a message to save a life. Pretty pathetic. I think google needs to have some kind of blog scanner so I can save people like me who are depressed and blog about it. Then it can find help for those people and really do something good for society. It's nice to have outlets like blogs and podcasts, but if no one hears them, what's the point? Did you know one person commits suicide in the USA every 18 mins. So I would guess an additional person tries every 18mins and fails at it. Well it course be worse, if you think about it there's probably a car accident every 10 seconds in the USA.

In the mean time I'll just keep self medicating myself until I really need help. Last night I was having nightmare after nightmare after nightmare. To the point was afraid to sleep.

Another useless post. What are the chances anyone is going to read this? The internet is all full of crap like this. It's like if I said someone reply to this post or else I'm going to jump off a bridge. Someone save me.

Tonight I was so sad, I just sat around and cried. NOt for a long time but long enough. I'm passing through a phase of depression, the phase of indifference. Only a tiny hope is keeping me alive. Still have a little sanity left. Hopefully I'll be able to crawl back and regain and refocus on my goals. Sometimes a setback is just too great and when someone curses you and the curse comes true, it makes you wonder if greater powers are at work. Can't shake a curse. A very bad one, very bad, very bad. Perhaps I should go see a doctor. or a counselor. SIgh......

Heard this comedian on the radio the other day, very funny talking about blogs. Where people are like, don't talk to me, you want to know me read my blog. LOL.

Anyhow, Love is like a Nuclear reaction, interesting metaphor right. It's a reaction that if gone uncontrolled will lead to meltdown, but if you control it right and harvest the energy, it can sustain u and keep you stronger pretty much forever at a low variable cost, but at a high setup cost.

Might be a bit of a nerdy comparison but on the whole you think about it, it's true. Nuclear energy is really expensive at first, volatile and explosive. But if you know how to manage it right, it's a great source of stable power.

Seems that's what going on in my life. I had a great nuclear reaction but perhaps I didn't handle it well. So instead of having a stable power source I got a core meltdown instead.

Feel so damn sad. I'm not dying, I'm not in a daze. I can still get up in the morning and drive and do regular things. Just that I'm not happy about doing it, I don't feel alive. It's like walking around with the rain cloud constantly dumping rain on your head. If won't kill you but it sure as hell doesn't help.

On another note...sometimes when you grow up you wise up to the world. People can do great good but at the same time, those closest to you will betray you or do things behind your back. Of course that's why life is full of surprises but unnessarily so.

The world is indeed a screwed up place, full of deceit, lies, and more lies. Trickery, fraud, falsifications in all aspects of life. Emotionally, financially, spiritually...what does it all lead to? Doom probably.

Way to becoming a millionaire...

http://money.cnn.com/2005/03/24/pf/millionaire/rp_daveandanniehall/index.htm?cnn=yes